Baseline and Hormonal Emotions

New years

My period finally decided to show up yesterday. I wasted no time calling in my day one to hopefully get this IVF show on the road. They gave me the option of waiting for the weekend to do all of the baseline business. No thank you! I get that the wand up the hoo ha may not be the most comfortable thing ever during this time of the month, but when is it comfortable? So I set my alarm for 6:45 on a vacation day. That was probably worse than the wand…and the needle stick. I drove into the city in the fog, cursing the traffic and stop lights every 10 feet. I am not looking forward to making that drive a few times a week for the next 10-12 days.

First stop: The lab for bloodwork

The needle wielding guy stuck me in the side of the elbow. Ouch. Not cool guy! I had plenty of beautifully blue veins in the center of my arm. It was one of those situations that I got there and got right in, and by the time I walked out 10 minutes later, the waiting room was packed. I love when this happens! Like at the Dunkin Donuts drive-through. You pull right up for your coffee and feel giddy when you drive back out past the mile long line of cars sipping away. It was that feeling. Way to start the day with a win!

Second stop: RE’s office for ultrasound

Up three floors I went, signed in and was told to have a seat but not to get comfortable. And I didn’t. I got called in maybe 3 minutes later. I used the bathroom to make sure I did all I could to avoid a totally gross and awkward visit with the wand. Actually, I was more concerned with the lovely lady controlling the want. Luckily I am having a lighter period. They certainly didn’t help matters by making me wait for what felt like forever, sans pants. I’m sure it was only 5 minutes, but good grief I was at serious risk of a leakage issue! My tech Amy and nurse finally came in and we got the show on the road. I have been worried every step of the way that things would not go smoothly. This worry grew after my period delayed our cycle a few days. I was sure that my ovaries were full of cysts or didn’t shut down on the Lupron. The wand was doing is magic, lots of pressure, perfect 2mm lining, then it got quiet. That always worries me. She finally confirmed that both ovaries look perfectly quiet. As long as my estradiol levels come back the way they expect them to, we get the green light. As with all things fertility related…I must wait for the call.

Third stop: STARBUCKS!

After coffee and grocery shopping, I finally made it home, made breakfast, changed out of my jeans and into my vacation uniform of yoga pants and a sweatshirt and cozied up downstairs. Finishing our basement was the best idea ever! The call finally came in that my levels looked good and that we will start stims tomorrow. I will go back on Monday morning, bright and early before going back to work for blood work. So that’s that.

Now onto the side effects of Lupron, mixed with PMS. I am a hormonal wreck. All I want is to stay home, I cry when my husband goes to work at night, have anxiety going to bed alone, I cry at TV shows ( I am hooked on Parenthood), books and passing thoughts. All I want is to hold onto him. I could hug him all day. I need the contact and the comfort to quiet the hormones.

This is also the first year that Hubby hasn’t been able to get New Years Eve off. I will ring in 2016 alone, no kiss, no toast. And guess what- I keep crying about that too. It is sad to me that we won’t ring in 2016 together, the year that we could get pregnant…have a baby…that feels important to me. I am sure that a kiss and toast at midnight won’t change the course of the next year- so I am hoping that he will be able to call for that shift to the new year. The hormones definitely make it seem ten times worse than it should, but hey- I feel what I feel. And now I am crying again. I guess I should try to get into the mindset that it is just another night. He will leave at 11, I will get ready for bed, climb in and watch the ball drop- then I will go to sleep and wake up when he gets home. So that’s how my night will go.

Even though the sky is blue and the snow is melting a bit, I am going to start a fire, curl up on the couch, and binge watch Parenthood until Hubby wakes up. We will order Chinese food, because that’s what we do on New Years Eve. We will make early mimosas and toast this year out a bit early.

The first day of 2016 will start the growth of our follicles, our future eggs, embryos and babies. That’s a heck of a way to start a year. Within the next 2 weeks, I will have surgery, get reports on our embryos and hopefully be PUPO. We are starting what I hope, and truly believe will be our best year.

Happy New Year!